i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
