It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
