She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
