Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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