these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
