I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
