I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
