I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
