What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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