he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
