She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
