why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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