Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
