i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
