Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
