At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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