i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
