the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
