it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
