I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
