there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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