you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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