69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
