Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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