Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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