When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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