You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
