I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
