How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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