Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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