had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
