Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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