I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
