Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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