I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
