I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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