We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
