worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
