Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
