You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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