the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
