remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
