found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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