What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
