What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
