That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
