Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
