omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
