So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
