I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
