i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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