This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
