Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
