Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
