You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
