Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
