Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
