If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
