Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
foreskin is a definite game changer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize