why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
