this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
